Is that the best you pansies can do?  I could almost hear Marv’s voice growling from the Audi A8 W12 as we waited for our acceleration run.  The car was dismissing our efforts at unsettling it, like Marv slapping away some shadowy hit men.  We were not in the dark alleys of Sin City, though.  We were washed in the searing sunlight of Clark Field; the day was hot as hell. 

This was the first exercise of the Audi quattro driving experience, held last 21-24 June by Audi AG and the Philippine exclusive distributor, PGA Cars.  The instructions were simple: accelerate as fast as you can in a straight line, hitting 100 km/h by the end of the strip, then full pressure on the brakes, steer gently through the S-twist in the line of cones, and come to a dead halt.  This simulates a panic stop at high speeds and simultaneously avoiding an obstacle, say a drunken jaywalker on C5. 

The near-silent burbling of the engine gives way to a muted growl as we floor the throttle.  You can’t hear much from the vault-like cabin, but from the outside the engine sound is a unique warbling note.  6.0 liters, 12 cylinders in a W configuration pump out 450 bhp and 580 Nm, enough to propel the A8 to 100 km/h in 5.2 seconds.  It’s not the brutal acceleration of a Porsche, but a smooth, firm push to the triple digits.

The car’s six-speed auto has barely shifted to second gear when we reach the end.  As the car’s nose enters the lane of cones, I stomp on the brakes, invoking the ABS, then turn into the bend.  What seems like an insane maneuver from the passenger seat seems rather easy when you’re at the controls.    The car remains perfectly obedient under the worst circumstances.

I lower the window as Cristoph Klagger, our instructor, approaches. 

“Are we sightseeing?” he barked.  “When I say floor it, it means the pedal has no more space to go,” slamming his fist into his palm. “You have to go faster.”

This is my kind of driving lesson, I thought, as we circled around for another turn. 

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